Month: January 2019

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WHEN ‘TWIN FLAMES’ RELATIONSHIP MAY BE JUST TOXIC.

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My first blog on this topic was written because of the potential to be in an unhealthy relationship, then read or hear about the ‘Twin Flames’ movement and suddenly feel the relief of having a new paradigm to fit into, that unfortunately forgets the one golden rule of twin flames or indeed any relationship that is for your highest good: ATTACHMENT IS NOT THE SAME AS LOVE.

I read an article recently that alarmed me. The following is an excerpt:

‘CHALLENGE: Your sense of belonging and connection to the twin make the rest of the world and other relationships, interactions, and connections feel strained, flawed, and even unwanted. The “perfect fit” with the twin is contrasted by your feeling even more out-of-place, foreign, or ostracized in the world around you and the world at large. You have filled the inner void, but now sense the human dynamics around you are irreparably empty, hollow, misguided, and/or uncomfortable. Despite the twin relationship in your life, you may feel extremely depressed or discouraged because the rest of the world really does NOT understand you now or share your perspectives.’

RED FLAGS!!!

Just no! This is text book unhealthy, and also potentially dangerous as it holds a kernel of truth. Yes your relationship gives you a sense of connectedness and belonging. Yes you may feel that nothing else can come close to what you are experiencing, but if it is at the expense of other relationships, it is heading into polluted water. Be careful. It is not easy to be honest with yourself. Toxic relationships also have an intensity that is heady, irresistible and encompassing and it may be hard to differentiate until you become more fully conscious. We are biologically programmed to feel a rush of chemicals that promote bonding, when we meet a potential mate. We love that high. It interferes with all our other faculties. We describe it as ‘falling in love’ because it has the same adrenalin, that in the moment, is the same feeling as I had when skydiving and yes, temporarily we may forget we even have other people in our lives. But if that feeling devolves into a sense that all your other relationships are ‘irreparably empty, hollow, misguided and/or uncomfortable’  then that relationship, my dear, has become an obsessive attachment.

The writer describes the Twin Flame relationship as filling ‘your inner void.’ That ‘void’ can not be filled with anything other than self awareness and truly loving yourself.

Let ideas like this go down with the sun.

Relationship Reading

 

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MORE THOUGHTS ABOUT TWIN FLAMES.

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I was raised to be a questioner and I am immensely grateful for that.

But my purpose here is not to discuss Twin Flames, but to share some of the ‘gold’ I have found so far in my exploration:

Humans desire connection and once they realise this, there is an enormous potential to wake up and realise that this connection we seek to find with another human being is actually part of something bigger…. and here I wander into fascinating contemplation of unity and oneness.

All relationships are the sandpits of our evolution as humans. We are up close and personal with the best and worst of each other and ourselves. Grow or run. Your choice. But each one changes us and it is meant to!

I do agree with some of the ideas I have encountered.
Yes some relationships have a weird mirror like quality, the shapes of two people and all their developed quirks and shapes fitting together in a way that feels miraculous, destined, familiar.

Then the work begins. Be prepared. If you find that ‘someone’ don’t romanticise it. Be prepared to roll your sleeves up and grab this experience as you would overseas travel!! This is the journey of your life!! Definitely not for the faint-hearted. Be prepared to confront your shadow self and be prepared to have all your baggage put in the living room and unpacked, whether you want it to be or not. This is not a pleasure cruise; this is the equivalent of hiking the Camino trail. Alone.

If you want comfort and security, this is not the place to look!

But if you want to really free yourself, then by all means, enter.

Relationship Reading

 

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THOUGHTS ABOUT TWIN FLAMES.

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When an idea spreads like a virus, be careful. It probably is.

The concept of Twin Flames currently sweeping through the spiritual community is not new. It is as old as Plato. However the interest in this concept seems to me more to be exploding than growing, meeting as it does our deepest needs for connection, for belonging, for intimacy and often, for a new paradigm into which people in difficult and complex relationships can pour their uncertainty and confusion.

Before I say anything else I have a disclosure. I am a twin. An identical twin in the biological context. Not a spiritual twin, a bona fide flesh and blood one and so of course, I will have a very different perspective to that of singletons.

All my life I have been amused, incredulous, and annoyed at how romanticised and misunderstood the concept of twins is!!!

‘Two of you!!! Which one are you? Can you read each other’s minds’ and on and on it goes!

I see in these questions a longing for intimacy, for merging that no physical twin would ever promote, not without a strong caveat: It is essential for all of us to recognise first, our sovereignty, our autonomy, our edges, before union with another can be wholesome. And so as I listen, read, study and contemplate the Twin Flame theology, I am cautious. From my work, I know too much about Narcissism (malignant self love) and codependence (malignant other love) not to stop and pay very careful attention to the language and energy of the Twin Flames discussion and notice the huge potential for confusing the two.

Another disclaimer: I choose not to ‘believe’ anything. When presented with an interesting concept like Twin flames I remain open, aware I can not possibly KNOW something I’ve never thought about. I am in a state of gathering and sifting information until such time as it shifts into either
something I truly resonate with and can now say I know or I dismiss all or parts of the idea.

Relationship Reading

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THE TOWER.

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‘Lift up your self by the Self

And don’t let the Self droop low,

For the Self is the self’s only friend

And the self is the Self’s only foe.’

-Bhagavad Gita 6:5

The Disappearing Act.

 

It happens. Usually at a point of expansion, growth and change. You step back, shrink, close doors and return to the couch.

 

The battle for the Spiritual Warrior is always with the self. By the self, I mean that part of you that developed as a defense mechanism, an identity that grew in response to life experiences, learning what kept you safe.

 

Yet what kept you safe was built on the reactions from and interactions with those closest to you and involved a compromise of who you were, a suppression of your essence, a sculpting designed to please and not offend. It involved a pushing down of your needs and a minimization of your feelings, for survival, approval and acceptance. It was a matter of survival that over time became the prison of ego and at its core was built on fear: fear of rejection, disapproval and loss.

 

Fear has a low energetic frequency. Its close neighbours are shame and guilt; often used in our culture to ‘manage’ us, often by busy caregivers who do not have the required emotional intelligence or energy themselves, to nurture and guide. It is easier to punish than to guide.

 

The opposite of fear, is love and it is Love that reaches through and challenges the ego construct. There is a part of ourselves that remains attached to Love, that endless, immutable abundance. Our souls know it and our ego just gets in the way.

 

The work is to remember who you truly are. Our souls know when we are constricted. They begin to seek freedom.  Slowly, or at times rapidly, we remember we are not who we think we are, we realise our thoughts are not us, we realise that we are the Observer of our thoughts, and the liberation can begin.

 

In the major Arcana of the Tarot, the Tower appears to be a frightening card, with images of lightning striking and destroying a tower, that has been a comfortable, safe home to its inmates. People are falling, rubble all around them, the ground rising up….it certainly is not a welcome image to many. Yet, it is one of my favourite cards. I am very interested when I see it in a reading, because the destruction is only of that comfortable place (ego) that has become a prison. The lightning strike is not malevolent;  It is the demolition of all that does not truly serve us. Yes, it involves loss, yes it involves chaos, yes it involves pain, but is that not the process of all transformation?

 

Know that what is coming to be, will always be greater than what is passing away.